Camryn would be 18 today

I know she's not here. I miss her. I don't even know how to talk about her right now, because this is all so new. Can I even wish someone who isn't here a happy birthday? I know all the things I need to think to comfort myself, and they work from time to time. But oh the loss, it's just so so big. I wish Camryn was here for me to love. She should be here, but she isn't. For like the second time ever I actually had a gift planned for her birthday. She would have liked it.