My Grief is Unpredictable

There is something about grief. It's sneaky and unpredictable. It's weird how it's something you have to do if you ever want to recover, if you ever want to have a chance at some sort or normalcy again.  You can be minding your own business and it just shows up, uninvited, literally squeezing your heart and making it hard to catch your breath and impossible to hold back the tears. I suppose it's the risk we take, loving someone so much. I know having her was something that I wouldn't trade for anything, but when the grief rolls in, like a storm, it makes me think about how, at one point in time, she didn't exist and how it wasn't painful then, and how now she's not here and it hurts so much. It's just so strange. It's strange, too, how most things in life we can have some say in. We can work extra hard and make something happen. We can change our perspective and at least make the best of things. We can be, in some way, in control or at least feel like we are. But when someone dies, there is just nothing you can do to change it. Nothing. You just have to grieve, and get through the days and nights and move along with a hole in your heart.